breaking...beautifully.

If you just want to read the point of the story, go down to where it's underlined.

Tonight, I was apart of a leadership team for a conference in Port Orchard. It was pretty good; the worship was excellent, the people were incredibly nice, and I got to paint for God so of course that worked out.
It was awesome. But at the end of the night (because I had again built up expectations for how God was going to move in me), I was a little dissapointed. Which is common when you're trying to put God in a box.
After the first session was over, the team and I went to dinner at this sweet pizza place, then my friend Joanna drove me back to my truck. While I was in her car, I had the idea to just grab one of her worship CD's. So I grabbed three. A Seattle one, a Hillsong one, and a Glorious Unseen one. Since it was a long drive home, and the Glorious Unseen CD was the longest, I decided to listen to that one.

This is the good stuff.

In the time that I've been following Christ (a little over two years now) there have been only two specific worship songs that have really touched my heart, and tonight I met the third.
It's called Falling Into You by the Glorious Unseen.
Lately I've been going through this struggle that seems like it's never going to end.
I struggled with it before I came to know Jesus, and even though I've been free from it, it's still the most difficult temptation to resist, and I end up falling into my desires almost every time.
Before I knew God, I didn't care much...I mean, it made me feel kind of shamed, but I got over that soon enough. But ever since I've known God and had a relationship with my Jesus...

I can feel the way his heart...
breaks.
Every single time I turn against him. He forgives me, always. His mercies are endless and his grace is fully sufficient.
But it just hurts to feel him hurting for me, you know?
He has assured me freedom, and I keep going back to the thing that held me captive.

So anyways, here's the song that really hit me tonight:

Don't wake me. I've fallen asleep.
Don't hate me, I have no relief.
This burden is shredding my soul.
This cycle is out of control.

And You call me as your friend, as I drive these nails again. I'm falling into You.
You call me as your friend, as I break Your heart again. I'm falling into You.

In a darkened room, this pain is complete.
In my selfish tomb, I smell the defeat.
Why do I medicate? Why do I go back to the things I hate?There's something broken in me - I must be soaking in my apathy.

And You call me as your friend, as I drive these nails again. I'm falling into You.
You call me as your friend, as I break Your heart again. I'm falling into You.

All who are found in this place,
come to the ocean of grace.
And all who have spit in His face,
come and live!
And You call me as your friend, as I drive these nails again. I'm falling into You.
(Come and live!)
You call me as your friend, as I break Your heart again. I'm falling into You.
And You call me as your friend - my heart beats once again. I'm falling into You.

You call me as your friend - and I come alive again. I'm falling into You.
(And You call me as your friend, as I drive these nails again. I'm falling...)...into You.
(You call me as your friend, as I break Your heart again.)
I'm falling into You. (I'm falling...)